


Perennials

by Shesfearless



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Fight me on that, Fluff, Healing, Introspection, M/M, Morning Cuddles, Personal Growth, Spring, i think it's introspection anyway, it doesn't have a name, there's a cat, they're in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:00:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23522716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shesfearless/pseuds/Shesfearless
Summary: How lucky are we to see another spring? How lucky are we to see the perennials bloom? How lucky are we to expect to see them again?It's growth and it's healing, and it's love.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	Perennials

**Author's Note:**

> It's short, it's unedited, I had ideas for expanding it at 5 am before I fell asleep that have been forgotten. It may grow.  
> Based on a morning I had with my best friend (before quarantine, it's been sitting in my drafts) and my own personal growth.  
> More on that in end notes.

Neil hadn't been able to sleep well. There was no particular reason for this, just inexplicable tension keeping him awake until what would technically be morning and a habit of waking up at 5 AM.  
So he waited until the sun rose and the sky from the window was bright blue to get up for the day. Andrew blinked awake as Neil got up to get dressed and the wooden floor creaked. He looked him in the eyes, acknowledging, and turned back to sleep.

Despite the little sleep he got, Neil still left to run a few miles. The sky was getting its color back after winter, the trees were growing buds that would become leaves, and he could recognize little springs in the ground that would become flowers. Sometimes Neil had moments, little moments of recognition, where he remembered all that he had been through and felt no pain. No pain, just calm happiness that _he got this_. He got to see the perennials grow each year, years after he thought he'd ever get to live. He would live to see these flowers bloom, and he would the next year too.

Afterwards, Neil wandered back to the bedroom, fully knowing that Andrew would still not be awake despite Neil being gone for an hour.  
He laid himself back in bed, and Andrew, eyes still closed, leaned across the bed to put his head by his chest. Neil laid his own head over Andrew's, felt his hair pressed into his cheek and his chest on his own. Over his nose he could see Andrew's blond hair and felt his breaths against his. Sharp inhale, long exhale. Sharp inhale, long exhale. _Lucky_ , Neil thought. Lucky to see the flowers, to lie in bed and to wake up, to feel the head of someone he loved and trusted under his cheekbone instead of the scars of a burnt-off tattoo. Lucky to know that through the years, they had grown from hands-in-pockets kisses to comfortable cuddles in a bed they share.

And in the moment, he wants to hold Andrew's face in his hands and bring it up to kiss him, but he doesn't want to disturb him. He wants to smile, but he knows Andrew will feel the muscles of Neil's face move.

One of the cats jumps up on their bed and onto Neil's feet, and he's trapped. He can't move his head to disturb his lover. He can't move his feet to disturb his cat. And it's wonderful. He's not trapped by cuffs and knives and fear. He's trapped by love. Not forced to stay, but chose to for them. It's wonderful.

And with their comfortable pressure against his body, his disturbed night catches up with him, and he falls asleep again.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have the time to read:  
> I have my own moments of recognition. Moments where I realize how far I've come, how much I've healed, where I recognize that I am alive. The morning I wrote this I was in bed with my best friend, my soulmate. In fact, I wrote in with my phone in my left hand as she was sleeping in my right. How lucky am I to have her? To have someone who loves me so much, to have someone I love so much, to never be alone? To have someone to stay for? How lucky I am to see the flowers bloom- the same tulips I planted with my mother when I was five, the same crocuses I ran in barefoot when I was 8, the same daffodils I took pictures of on my 10th birthday. I think, despite an differences in background, there is a certain relation to others who have survived longer than they expected, who have healed, even slightly, when they never thought they could. That is quite possibly why I love the series so much- despite different stories we are similar people. We have grown away from families of blood or law and into families of love. Our scars are slowly healing. It's important to look in the mirror and see that.  
> How lucky are we to live a life we never thought we could? How lucky are we to be in less pain? How lucky are we to love? How lucky are we to be loved? How lucky are we to heal? How lucky are we to see another spring? How lucky are we to see the perennials bloom?  
> To all of those who have survived- be it abuse, trauma, depression, addiction, sickness- remember it. It is not a bad thing to have gone through it. It's not about what we have lost, but what we're getting back.  
> I'm glad you've lived to see this spring. I hope to see you again next year.
> 
> Don't look for me on social media. I don't want to be found.


End file.
